This blog was medically reviewed by Sarah Jerstad, PhD, LP, medical director of outpatient mental health services at Children’s Minnesota.
This blog was updated in September 2025.
When a school shooting or other violent event happens, we know that kids and teens experience a range of emotions and confusion about what they have seen, heard or been told. Then parents and caregivers are faced with answering tough questions from their kids and teens who are trying to process their feelings and find assurance that the adults they trust will keep them safe.
Unfortunately, we know this cycle far too well, as school shootings and gun violence happen at an alarming rate in our society. We’re here to give you tips for talking to your kids and teens about the violence they see in the media.
Tips for talking to kids about violence
Have the conversation
It’s important to discuss violent events your kids and teens have seen in the media directly and openly. Children may not fully understand the event, but they can still feel its emotional effects – and not talking about the event makes it even more threatening in a child’s mind. Silence suggests this is something horrible, which it might be, but saying nothing can also cause them to magnify or distort the facts in their head.
Parents should trust themselves to talk to their kids. It might feel uncomfortable or you might not be prepared, but it’s still important to have the conversation. Find out what your child knows and how they feel about what is going on. It’s OK to be honest and age appropriate. Remember: Kids’ worries and questions, and even opinions on events, may not be the same as your own. Monitor your own emotions and be open to differences.
Be open and direct
Kids may ask questions such as, ‘What is happening?’, ‘Why did this happen?’ or ‘Will they hurt me?’ Parents should be honest and factual with reminder plans to keep kids safe, using words and language that kids can understand. Keeping lines of communication open allows children to express their thoughts and emotions in the ways they need to. This communication will look different at different ages.
It’s important for parents to strike a balance when talking to kids about violence and not minimize what happened. Agree with the child that the event was scary and difficult and acknowledge their feelings. Then also make sure the child knows you are doing your best to keep them safe and move forward with normal activities.
Watch for impact on kids and teens mental health
Even if they were not directly involved, violent events can cause kids and teens anxiety, stress and other emotions. Young people may internalize fears, especially when the violent event occurs in familiar settings like a school or church.
It can be difficult for kids and teens to express their feelings after a significant event. That’s why it’s important for trusted adults to acknowledge their feelings and not dismiss them. Our kid experts advise in these moments to simply sit with your child and model that it’s OK to be worried and give them space to process what they’re feeling.
Watch your child for signs of mental health distress including significant behavioral changes such as:
- Difficulties with sleep
- Changes in appetite
- Stomach aches
- Headaches
- Difficulties with attention and concentration
- Withdrawing from interactions
- Having negative thoughts about themselves or others
Parents should contact their child’s primary care provider if they are experiencing mental health distress.
School avoidance after a tragedy
When a tragic event like a school shooting occurs, the news travels fast and everyone seems to know what happened within hours, including kids and teens. Even if they did not experience the event directly, some young people will struggle with going back to school and feeling safe after a school shooting because they think, “this could happen to me, or at my school.”
Once again, it’s important to give kids and teens the space and permission to express their feelings. Parents should share their own feelings, too. If parents are feeling sad, scared or upset, it’s important for kids to see that it’s okay to feel this way. Everyone is feeling this way, and that’s normal.
Parents should also reassure their kids and teens that there are safety measures in place at their school and adults are there to keep them safe. It might feel scary for some children, but going back to school is essential. It’s really important to get fearful and anxious kids and teens back to school as soon as possible; it can be much more difficult to get kids back to school if it’s avoided for too long. Parent support is important during this process.
Break the stigma about mental health
There is still a lot of stigma associated with seeking mental health care, so your child may be afraid or nervous to ask about it. Try to be careful with your words and avoid using derogatory words like ‘mental’ or ‘crazy’ or ‘nuts’ when talking about emotional distress or problems in response to stressful or traumatic life events.
Take care of your own mental health
It’s understandable for parents and caregivers to feel scared and out of control when you realize there are situations when you are unable to protect your child. Part of being the best parent you can be is looking after yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help and support if you are struggling with mental health.
Support could come from your community, family, friends, mental health professionals or other parents who have children in the same school. Remember: Your kids are watching how you respond to a difficult and emotional situation. They’re learning from you about how to open up and talk about your feelings – and get the support you need.
